Demoted/Downsized

Recently, an employer of mine dramatically reduced my appointments and consequently my pay. This sadden me since I thought of this as may main employment, it not only provided me with the lions share of my income, but it was also a stimulating appointment for me and my students. I felt very invested in the program even though I was only part time. Since this reduction, my responsibilities have been ambiguous and greater then my remaining appointment would indicate. In short I have been demoted/downsized. In this economy many people are doing more work for less money, and are glad to be doing it, but it is frustrating and stings in very real and human ways, and is probably an excellent moment for practice.

Things I am not doing:

• Recognizing the impermanence of everything, but namely jobs and associated responsibilities, or even that this demotion could be impermanent.
• Recognizing that I have no self, and clinging to any identity (even one associated with employment) will bring suffering.
• Recognizing habitual behavior as the creator of cocoons and other restrictive protective devises of the mind.
• Answering the question my dad asked himself when he was demoted late in his career.

“If I didn’t have this job, and someone offered me this job, would I take it?”

This question is like a reset button. It is precise. It elegantly releases the past from dictating the future and brings the situation into the present moment. It reminds me that everyday is a new job and every moment is filled with the unexpected.

Hopefully soon, by applying effort, I will be doing the above.

Meditation Retreat

I recently attended my first ever week long meditation retreat at The Atlanta Shambhala Center. This week long retreat was an Art Weekthun. Weekthun is a week long program based on the traditional Tibetan month long retreat Dathun. The art part of this meditation retreat was not the reason I choose this Weekthun over the others being offered this summer, I choose this one because of scheduling between my husband and I and because we could drive there. However this program was really perfect for me in all my practices, meditation, teaching and making.

The Atlanta Shambhala Center which hosted this Art Weekthun was so much more beautiful, grand, comprehensive and impressive then I could have ever expected. Their center and facilities are so wonderful, they are now being called an Urban Land Center. In about the past seven years they bought wonderful land with two buildings on it, built a large and beautiful new meditation hall, and acquired a guest house. I could not recommend doing a program there enough. I had such a great time, they are so friendly and wonderful it was just great.

The Art Weekthun was an interesting program consisting mostly of sitting meditation, but also interlaced with different art practices meant to be executed as a continuation of meditation practice. This was my first exposure to Dharma Arts. I found the form and the approach to be a great way to remind me of how my own art practice is a type of meditation practice. Getting into the “zone” or “flow” is the basic joy of making. The Dharma Arts we practiced there are like a direct connect to that place.

The Dharma Arts approach, for me, was at first too simple, but as I stayed with it, rather then being a know-it-all in my mind, I realized that within this simple approach was some of what I’ve been missing in my teaching. I needed to see and do very simple exercises to realize how I could connect and engage my students more. This lead to a conversation with Lance Brunner about my interest in mindfulness or contemplative practice in higher education. More on this later....

Equally important was the sitting meditation. I really felt my practice deepen. I really began to see the gears of my mind, and my ego’s agenda. There were wonderful moments of understanding. I can’t wait to do another Weekthun, hopefully soon or maybe a Dathun.

This blog seems so short and inadequate compared to my experience there. I know that it will offer me more to learn as time passes.

art weekthun at atlanta shambhala center 2009

Fungi @ Atlanta Shambhala Center

Fungus & Ceramics

So, I haven't written yet about my new, and most likely temporary teaching position teaching hand building in ceramics at Loyola! Its going really well, even though I was given such short notice (three days). I owe much of my success to Vesna, who has helped me out tremendously!

One of the great things about teaching this class is not only the added experience I'll be gaining, the great students, and the money, but I will be making some ceramic art for the first time in a while.

I've been fooling around with some old ideas, but have been unhappy with them, feeling like an imitation of myself. But this weekend on the El platform there was a new idea- fungus. This orange folded delicate organism, peeking out from between the boards.
This new idea will hopefully continue another piece I made a while ago, but sold this weekend at the mini dutch show. "Mountain Stickers" are latex casts of small mountain ranges, each about one to two inches long, painted white, with double sided tape on the back. A woman bought all of them, and was so excited about them! I asked her what she would do with them and she started drawing in the air and explaining how she would make a mountain range somewhere in her apartment. I became so excited about this. She was going to go home and have a creative experience with the art she bought. I love this idea. Hopefully these new ceramic fungus pieces will work in the same way, but probably not at the same price point.

Students Drawing in the Atrium at Wright

I had them combine three perspective views of this space into one abstracted composition! It pretty much rocked.

Students Drawing Today at Wright

Effortlessness

It seems that many things like my art and teaching come together with what seems to be such relative ease, that I struggle to impose more effort. I feel that if I could or would "work harder" at it, it would be some how be better, recognized, and the big show that solves all the problems would be the next show.

But in fact it is from a place of ease created by confidence in my experience that things fall into place. It is the gasping and guessing that create the stress of doubt.