Neutrality

Happy New Year! Sorry I’ve had such a long hiatus from writing. I would love to blame it on something like the end of the semester, the holidays, vacation, etc., but I don’t really believe it was any of those. I believe my silence is the result of and overwhelming feeling of neutrality I’ve had for a while. Its not quite a depression, but more like a type of boring contentment. I’ve had no inspiration to make work in my studio or apply for shows and its really becoming quite frustrating.

I’ve started some of what I need to do to turn this around.

1. Get back on track with meditation. I tend to loose my momentum during the holidays and while traveling, something I’m embarrassed to admit, but I am getting back on track with my at home practice, and I am signed up for the next evening class, Contentment in Everyday Life at The Shambhala Center.
2. Exercise. After our ski vacation I am really inspired to exercise outside nearly everyday even when it is cold, snowy and icy here in Chicago. I’ve been cross-country skiing once and have been urban hiking around town in my new yaktrax.
3. Reading. I’ve started to dive into my new books starting with “The Critique Handbook, A Sourcebook and Survival Guide” Which will help me lead more rigorous critiques during this next semester.
4. Going to my studio. This area still needs improvement. I just need to go there, even when there is seemingly nothing to do.
5. Remain open. It seems like I’ve been short circuiting every idea. “Oh that won’t work.” or “Thats dumb.” Almost all my work is the result of making one thing and discovering something else unexpected. Without the making part, the discover will never come.
6. Go to see art. This is also on the to-do list. I want to go to some openings and make use of my new Art Institute membership this week.
7. Be Gentle. I am also reading “Start Where You Are,” and I need to remind myself of Pema’s gentle approach constantly. Beating myself up for perceived failures will not get me anywhere. Lately, even though I’ve been accomplishing things from my to do list, I only feel like I’ve done nothing.
8. Sketchbook! Work in it. I am planning to cut out everything I found inspiring from last year’s Sculpture Magazines for my sketchbook, and review previous notes and ideas.
9. Help someone. This is something I’ve been aware of since undergrad. Somehow helping someone else really gets things going. I don’t have any art friends I can help at the moment, but I will be helping my neighbor design some storage solutions for her condo.

Hope your new year is of to a more inspired start.

Demoted/Downsized

Recently, an employer of mine dramatically reduced my appointments and consequently my pay. This sadden me since I thought of this as may main employment, it not only provided me with the lions share of my income, but it was also a stimulating appointment for me and my students. I felt very invested in the program even though I was only part time. Since this reduction, my responsibilities have been ambiguous and greater then my remaining appointment would indicate. In short I have been demoted/downsized. In this economy many people are doing more work for less money, and are glad to be doing it, but it is frustrating and stings in very real and human ways, and is probably an excellent moment for practice.

Things I am not doing:

• Recognizing the impermanence of everything, but namely jobs and associated responsibilities, or even that this demotion could be impermanent.
• Recognizing that I have no self, and clinging to any identity (even one associated with employment) will bring suffering.
• Recognizing habitual behavior as the creator of cocoons and other restrictive protective devises of the mind.
• Answering the question my dad asked himself when he was demoted late in his career.

“If I didn’t have this job, and someone offered me this job, would I take it?”

This question is like a reset button. It is precise. It elegantly releases the past from dictating the future and brings the situation into the present moment. It reminds me that everyday is a new job and every moment is filled with the unexpected.

Hopefully soon, by applying effort, I will be doing the above.

Fungus & Ceramics

So, I haven't written yet about my new, and most likely temporary teaching position teaching hand building in ceramics at Loyola! Its going really well, even though I was given such short notice (three days). I owe much of my success to Vesna, who has helped me out tremendously!

One of the great things about teaching this class is not only the added experience I'll be gaining, the great students, and the money, but I will be making some ceramic art for the first time in a while.

I've been fooling around with some old ideas, but have been unhappy with them, feeling like an imitation of myself. But this weekend on the El platform there was a new idea- fungus. This orange folded delicate organism, peeking out from between the boards.
This new idea will hopefully continue another piece I made a while ago, but sold this weekend at the mini dutch show. "Mountain Stickers" are latex casts of small mountain ranges, each about one to two inches long, painted white, with double sided tape on the back. A woman bought all of them, and was so excited about them! I asked her what she would do with them and she started drawing in the air and explaining how she would make a mountain range somewhere in her apartment. I became so excited about this. She was going to go home and have a creative experience with the art she bought. I love this idea. Hopefully these new ceramic fungus pieces will work in the same way, but probably not at the same price point.

"Leftovers" show opening at MiniDutch Sept. 13th

Dear Friends,

I am excited to present this new show of old stuff:

Leftovers
Opening Reception: September 13th, 7-10pm

MiniDutch another apartment gallery
3111 W. Diversey
Chicago, IL 60647
773.235.5687
http://www.minidutchgallery.org/

In this show I've made work from the materials that have been in my studio, in some cases for over 10 years. I've been carting these leftover and never used materials around think that someday I would make art with them. The materials vary from found objects, felt, latex, fake eyes, orange powders....

I returned to the source of art making practice for this exhibit. The curious, adventurous, anything goes making from my youth created these many delightful, often curious objects. This making process was fun and immediate, creating new pieces rapidly and severing what had become an emotional tie to the promises of all these materials.

To further sever the tie, the work is for sale, and very affordable prices range from $1 to $50. Some work is available for cash and carry.

The show closes October 12th with a materials exchange. Artists and makers are invited bring leftover materials to swap and socialize.

I hope you can make it to this show and the opening event!

-Renee

Artist as Ronin - No Self (an essay for the local Shambhala news letter)

Artist as Ronin
No Self

A contemporary artist without self is lost without a master. Modern and contemporary Western art has relied on and fallen for the personality of the artist, the moody, or drunk, or demanding, or troubled being that is the artist. The artist’s personality often drives the consumption of the artwork, and is often used to create a linear interpretation of the work, rather than allowing the viewer space to experience the work. The artist in Western traditions has been associated with a myopic often near madness that compels them to create their work without regard to others. The artist has even been see as divine.

As a contemporary artist, I might be doing it all wrong. I will wear different clothes, different masks, and perform different tasks. I am for hire. My work will change from place to place, time to time, and to suit the audience. I have no plan for my body of work or my portfolio. My vision is no vision. The more I practice meditation the further I become from fulfilling my role as artist.

Like the ronin released from their master, there is shame in my practice. A ronin is a samurai with no lord or master. After losing his master to death or ruin, a samurai was expected to commit suicide. Those who didn’t lived a drifting life and were shamed from their samurai community. My art practice fails the contemporary art community because my work becomes like a mirror, a lens, a tool, for questioning what is around me, not a driving force of self-expression. My work explores the space of the gallery and the space of the viewer’s mind. My successful work creates space, a moment, and emptiness.

But really, being without self is the challenge and this is the goal for me as a mediator and an artist. My goal is never knowing about what I’m making, but rather to be in the studio making without knowing why. To be lost in the process of materials, ideas, and impulses is the joy. My art practice and meditation practice rely on being open to whatever comes up, to having no agenda, and to recognizing the unexpected as an opportunity.

Summer Work

This summer I am working on this incredible community based public art project in Woodlawn.

I was hired through a not-for-profit group that facilitates community art projects, gardens, and other community space, archi-treasures as the artist for this project. I am working with 15 very bright teens. They challenge me in every way, everyday. I am learning so much about myself, and my teaching practice through them. I am also learning about them and their community.

I've been enjoying my commute to Woodlawn once I get on south Lake Shore Drive. It is really beautiful. I pass by The Republic everyday. She is wonderful.

Our project is very complex, and has many moving parts, and I would not be able to keep up with all of them with out the help of Dorothy Pytel, who is the "instigator" of this whole project, and is very organized. And also Sherry Shannon, who helps with the day to day order.

Our task is to move, decorate, and plant up to 30 large concrete planters. That sounds simple, but its not. The most challenging part is that the planters must be "adopted" by a community group or business to ensure the continued up keep of the planter. Once this project is completed the planters will serve as community markers, and will unify active members of the community together.

We are moving along and finally making much head way this week. We designed the Woodlawn logo which will be stenciled on all the planters.


We are also making much needed head way in community out reach and in designing the planters. This project has a blog: http://woodlawnyouth.blogspot.com/ Please follow along.

Everyday at work I feel totally overwhelmed, and when I get home I am exhausted, but optimistic. The biggest lesson, that I haven't learned yet is how to deal with not pleasing everybody. Every small dissatisfaction of one of the teens, or someone else feels like big failure on my part.

My New Circular Saw

I bought a new circular saw today at Home Depot on Addison.

As I approached the mini van with my big orange cart of MDF, PVC male adaptors, other miscellaneous stuff and my new Milwaukee circular saw, I noticed a small man come out from behind the red big construction van parked next to my car. Since the housing market has crashed, men are looking for work in the Home Depot parking lots. Sometimes they want to help load stuff into your car. As I see this small man in a brown Carhartt-esque coat from the corner of my eye, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck spike up like a cat's. I am really aware of my new saw on my flat bed cart.

I turned from the cart for a moment, and he went for it! Immediately I am shouting "NO!" as I take it from his hand. He seems to motion he would put it in my car. I say, "NO!" repeatedly, and make a swiping motion with my hand. He still tries for ten foot peices if 1/2 inch PVC pipe on my cart, and again, "NO!" He finally backs away to stand by the back of the red van, right next to me. He doesn't look offended, and he doesn't defend himself. His face shows no emotion at all.

As I get into my car the adrenaline is pumping through my blood. I feel bad for him, that he probably is just looking for work, but I also feel like when I back out he'll try to car-jack me. I think about storming into Home Depot to complain, but I am worried about leaving my car now that he knows what is inside. I think about calling the police. Then I think both of these ideas are going over board. I wait till some one is near and back out. Its the owner of the red van. As I pull away I see them talking. The man was probably waiting next to the obviously best option for work- the construction van, and saw me when I approached.

Driving to my studio, my resolve of knowing that I handled the situation in the best and most effective way I could have, mixed with the probable reality of a man out of work and who has become used to being yelled at when offering help. The entire situation is upsetting. But the mixing of compassion with self defense in the aftermath felt like shaking oil and vinegar dressing, they mix only with vigorous effort and only temporarily.