Friday, February 29, 2008

When the "Ah Ha" moment is an "Oh Duh"

Last night I had the clearest moment of realization, that in fact all of my current hardship can truly be attributed to my own actions (kharma).

Like- Duh!

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Transformation

Since the New Year, I have been making many positive changes to my life. But I think the source of all this change actually came not from my free will, but because I had to stop drinking to take Accutane. Its not as though drinking were some kind of issue, but when it was absent I noticed how much a filler it can be, much like the other things I've phased out

Reductions:
  • Not Drinking
  • Quiting TV
  • phasing out myspace
  • checking email less
Additions:
  • Revamping my studio
  • Working on exciting ideas for my new show
  • reading more
  • going to see more art, going to museums
  • collaborating with friends
  • Volunteering and taking classes at Shambhala
  • Re-committing to my daily meditation practice and trying to work with lojong
  • Keeping this blog and my accutane blog
Without the time filler activities, I've been able to add in so many more positive activities. One down side is that the Accutane makes me feel like a lethargic arthritic old lady, so I haven't been exercising at all, and it is driving me crazy. I am looking forward to May, when my skin transformation is complete, the accutane is over, and I can maintain my new life style, but with energy.

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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Discursive Emails

So quiting my gmail addiction will prove to be more challenging then TV, because I do actually have to use it. Its amazing how even just cutting back just this one day has really exposed the discursive quality of my mind's attachment to it. It comes up all the time. Like *Ping* "I wonder if there's new mail?" *Ping*. Its identical to the way thoughts come up during meditation. *Ping* *Ping*

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Monday, January 21, 2008

Wasted Time Wakes Up

The new year is off to a great start.

I am so busy.

After reading "The Evolving Self", I was really inspired to implement many of its ideas into my life, basically that a busy, intellectually challenged person is a happy person. Here are some of the things that I am doing to stay not just busy, but engaged in things that I are inspiring, challenging, and that I like to do.

- I am teaching three classes at two different schools. I am teaching two sections of Sculpture 1 at Loyola again this semester, and I am up grading some of the tools in the shop there too. I am teaching for the first time, General Drawing at Wright College, one of The Chicago City Colleges. Teaching at a new school has many obstacles of getting oriented, and teaching a new class has many curriculum needs. I have to build the whole class in a way that makes sense to me so that it will make sense to the students. I am reading "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain", as a refresher. I also, for the first time, I ordered a free desk copy of a book recommended by a colleague. As a teacher I can request relevant texts for free from the publisher to review as optional text to offer in my courses. The book I ordered is "Drawing, A Contemporary Approach."

So I am technically teaching full time. Its been a long time now since I worked full time. And balancing all the different needs of different classes and institutions offers its own challenges.

- I bought a new sketchbook. 8x11", hardcover black. I love the bigger size. I had been using the trendy moleskin model, but it really doesn't work for me. I need a bigger book to paste things into. This alone has radically awakened some sleeping creativity.

- I started building the walls at my studio. I took this long weekend to get the project underway, and thanks to Michael's help I am more then 1/2 way there! These walls are going to help me so much, return to the installation practice that is really the foundation of my work and thinking.

- I am reading a really inspiring book, "Buddha Mind in Contemporary Art"

- I am watching almost no TV, and no network TV.

- Michael and I are following our New Years resolution to cook new recipes together at least once a week.

- I am meditating everyday, and meeting with my meditation instructor regularly. Meditation is not only good for me in terms of my mood or disposition, but it also leaves my mind loose, ply able and open. The fertile ground for new problems to be come new art.

So even though work is at times over whelming, I am trying to maintain time for my art and research, as well as a small social life, and a pleasant marriage. Balancing these things has been wonderful so far.

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Much to do about nothing

For the next two days, I will be meditating all day at The Shambhala Meditation Center's City Meditation Retreat. Even though I can not participate for the whole week, I am looking forward to the challenge of the next two day, starting today.

My work used Buddhist concepts, before I knew what they were. People would say my work looked zen, and I would think "Hmm, I better look into this zen thing." So my meditation practice is separate from, but informative to my artistic practice. I started meditating for my mental health, but have since then starting making work about meditating.

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