35 days left-blood test-absorption

I went for my blood test at the end of my 5th month today. I am going to take an additional month of accutane, 6 months total. I feel pretty down in the dumps about it. Although I know its what I should do since I've continued to get some cysts, but I'm not optimistic that this additional month will cure me so that I don't need a second treatment. I guess I just hope that it delays a second treatment.

For the past couple weeks, I've been taking my accutane with oil, which helps with its absorption, which I just learned. I am having a resurgence of side effects. I feel so tired, achy, and kinda down in the dumps. I am going to take a nap today, which I haven't needed for over a month.

Looking back on my treatment, this has been really hard. I think while it was happening, I didn't really appreciate how bad it was making me feel, especially emotionally. Looking back at the winter, I'm surprised it went as well as it did. I guess I'm lucky.

It feels really hard to generate the energy and motivation to get through this last month.

Bad News- Blood Test 5

I had my 5th blood test today, and it was supposed to be my last. But since I've had few cysts on my back over the past 2 months, it probably won't be. Julia said I shouldn't be getting any more cysts at this point in my treatment. If I don't get anymore cysts this month it might be my last month, other wise it'll be another month- 6 months total. I told her I would be happy to go for another month if I knew it would help prevent needing a second treatment in the future. She said that her and Dr. Berk didn't really know if an additional month had any effect on the need for future treatments.

So deep in this bad news is more bad news. Not only do I think I will be on accutane for another month, but I also think I will need another treatment, like my cousin did.

This bad news has been really hard. I've been trying to not (re)act to and not suppress my emotions. Its a new thing I am working on. Although I can say the advice in my head like a mantra, its actionable execution is questionable. I do know on some level that I am fortunate that this treatment is available to me.

And at the heart of this bad news is the end of my waiting. Knowing that I will be on this for not only a month longer then I thought, but probably an additional treatment at some point in the future means I can't wait for it to be over to get on with my life. I need to figure out how to exercise and have energy which will help my mood. I think the rhodiola has really been helping, and the gentle yoga I've been doing and springtime!

Yoga and Rhodiola

I did yoga today! Hurray! Not like really hard workout or anything, but I actually moved my body around and stretched it out! I'm going to try it everyday! I can't wait until this over and I can really workout again and ride my bike everywhere!

Just when I think everything is awful, something changes, it could be the rhodiola.

Rhodiola Rosea- mid month 4

I am trying so hard not to be discouraged. I slept for 12 hours last night, woke up exhasted, and I feel like taking a nap right now. I have a mild dull headache and my eyes feel dry like I've been crying, even though I have not.

I bought some Rhodiola Rosea extract today at Whole Foods, its not cheap, but its pretty good. I used to take it regularly for energy and to prevent depression, of which it helped greatly with both. Hopefully it works now.

Frustrated- beginning of 4th month

This weekend I had some emotional break downs. I succumbed to feeling ok and getting lazy with action.

For a while I was feeling optimistic with only 2 months to go, past the 1/2 way mark! But this weekend I was like, "How can I do this for another 2 months?"

I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of condoms. I'm tired of my skin hurting, and not wanting to shower. And why am I having pimples now, when I didn't earlier in the treatment.

Don't call it a come back! (please) end of month 3

In the past two weeks I've been getting some pimples, one cyst, and it seems like the blackheads are budding. Whats going on?! Are they figuring out how to survive in this harsh accutane tundra, or is this the last of the stuff hiding deep below?

I have been feeling somewhat better in the past couple weeks too. Not like I am going to ride my bike to work, like I so desperately want, but not like I feel like I'm falling apart. Maybe I had an actual cold before.

4th Blood Test

I had my 4th blood test today, without a hitch.

I feel more tired then ever. Am I actually sick, or is this just a side effect? I have congestion in my ears and nose, but not too much, and of course my body feels achy, but it has for over a month.

My doctor said I could reduce my dose, 2 one day, 1 the next day, etc., but that will add more time to my treatment. Hopefully this is actually a cold, and I will feel better soon.

Blah- Blah..... mid month 3

Blah blah achy day.


I had to sand and paint the new walls in my studio the past two days, and I think that is why I feel yucky. But that project is done...

It seems like the achy is directly related to physical effort, which sucks. I like to work out, and soon the ice will melt and I can start riding my bike again, but that may all have to wait until May.

Once I am done with this I will have to seriously work out!

Blame it on the vitamins and Aleve

I've been feeling better. Who really knows why. I've been diligently taking my vitamins and pain reliever:

• multi vitamin
• omega 3 fatty acid
• vitamin E
• glucosamine

• 2 Aleves twice a day

and

• Tonglen- on the spot and on the cushion.
  

Is your doctor competent? A comment and response.

Below is a comment I just received and my response, which I wanted to republish for the benefit of others. Not all doctors are the same. Find one that you think serves you well, and do your own research and ask lots of questions.

Hi Renee,

I just started my fourth month of accutane last week. This is my second month of the 80mg. I completely understand everything you're going through. I went to the Dr. on Friday, and he said I may need to stay on it for an excess of 6 months. My acne isn't as good as it should look for how long I've been on the medicine. I'm experiencing the acing joints today more than ever. I've been sleeping a lot and I have no desire to get up for my morning classes. I'm upset that I skipped my business class this morning. I just found out last night that I'm not supposed to drink while on accutane. Until now, I've been drinking several times per week. Do you know if this could affect how my acne responds to the medicine? I'm hoping now that I know not to drink, my acne will improve. I'm quite upset that my Dr. never told me not to drink. The iPledge booklet doesn't mention anything, either. I love your blog, I just found it tonight. It's great to have someone who is going through the same stuff I am.


Andy,

Your doctor made a grave error in not informing you about drinking. Drinking, or any substance use, while on accutane is very bad for your liver because accutane is very bad for your liver. So your liver is doing double duty. Not drinking might help your fatigue for obvious reasons, but I have no idea about your acne.

I hope that your acne clears up with accutane, but it is also important that you protect yourself from injuries that accutane could cause (like liver damage). Are you getting a monthly blood test? My doctor won't keep me on it for more then 5 months, I asked, because I want to make sure it works, but she said dosage is based on body weight. Some people end up taking it twice. Don't be discouraged, but read as much as you can, and maybe consider a different doctor.

Best Wishes,

-Renee

the battle of the fatigue, month 3

I am still battling the fatigue, the aches, the feeling down.

Everything is a chore, which is sad, because I've been doing such fun things.

Defeated Day, Month 3 Begins

Wow what a day. I can not shake this feeling of defeat both emotionally and physically. It seems to radiate out from my lungs then sticks in my thighs and knees. It feels like saddness and tiredness intermixed. I need to get it together for class. I wish I didn't have to work today.

I've been drinking more coffee then I usually do in an effort to cope with the fatigue, I wonder if it is back firing. I should drink more water, especially if drinking more coffee.

Hopefully the Lojong class I am taking will help. We will be practicing Tonglen tonight, which is something I should practice everday, especially during these hard days. The refresher instruction will be helpful to get that back into gear for me.

exhausted

I am exhausted which is making me feel down in the dumps. Sometimes I feel like I am atrophying.

Skiing was great

No broken bones, and less internal fatigue. It seems that exercising, even though it feels impossible, makes me feel better, and possible.

adjustment

I am on day 6 of the new dosage, and I remember some of these feeling from the first dosage.

I feel really week, sore in my joints-back and knees, and just really tired. Almost like I getting sick, but I know thats not it. Although I built walls in my studio this weekend, and did alot of heavy lifting, I know that this soreness is not the same. Its like a deep down fatigue.

However, I believe it will pass, or come and go. I am trying to drink tons of water because that seems to help, but I am also having coffee before my night class. Getting up in the morning seems impossible, no matter how early I go to bed.

All these things were happening when I began the lower dose, but less intense, and then they passed. I'm thinking this will too. I just hope I have energy for skiing this weekend, I've really been looking forward to it.

Day 3

I feel tired, and have been sleeping really well, that is all I want to do. I feel a little moody, but I don't think the fatigue or moodiness can solely be blamed on the accutane, but also on the cold, the ice, and my very own laziness.