My Last Day

So to day is my last day of my summer job, which has been a real roller coaster, with occasional ups and lots of downs.

When I opened my email this morning I had the most appropriate lojong in my in box, ever! It was delightful and made me laugh. Thanks ancient Buddhists! (get a lojong saying every day via: http://lojongmindtraining.com/default.aspx)

Below are three interprtations and translations of the saying in chronological order.

Don't Expect Thanks

Don't hope that others will express their gratitude in words of thanks for your own practice of dharma, your helping others, or your practicing virtue. In a word, get rid of any expectation of fame or prestige.

All these points of advice are means that will strengthen mind training and prevent it from weakening. In summary, Gyal-se Rinpoche said:

Throughout our lives we should train well in the two kinds of bodhicitta, using both meditation and postmeditation practices, and acquire the confidence of proficiency.

Make an effort to follow this instruction.

From The Great Path of Awakening : An Easily Accessible Introduction for Ordinary People by Jamgon Kongtrul, translated by Ken McLeod. Copyright 1993 by Ken McLeod.
Published by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc., Boston.

Don't Expect Applause

Don't expect others to praise you or raise toasts to you. Don't count on receiving credit for your good deeds or good practice.

From Training the Mind & Cultivating Loving-Kindness by Chogyam Trungpa , copyright 1993 by Diana Mukpo.
(Official Chogyam Trungpa Website)
Published by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc., Boston.

Don't Expect Applause

The next slogan is "Don't expect applause," which means "Don't expect thanks." This is important. When you open the door and invite all sentient beings as your guests, and not only that, but you also open the windows, and the walls even start falling down, you find yourself in the universe with no protection at all. Now you're in for it. If you think that just by doing that you are going to feel good about yourself, and you are going to be thanked right and left- no, that won't happen. More than to expect thanks, it would be helpful just to expect the unexpected; then you might be curious and inquisitive about what comes in the door. We can begin to open our hearts to others when we have no hope of getting anything back. We just do it for its own sake. On the other hand, it's good to express our gratitude to others. It's helpful to express our appreciation of others. But if we do that with the motivation of wanting them to like us, we can remember this slogan. We can thank others, but we should give up all hope of getting thanked back. Simply keep the door open without expectations.

From Start Where You Are : A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chodron, Copyright 1994, Shambhala Publications.
Published by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc., Boston.

Glimpsing Center, Again.

This job this summer has tried me in almost every possible way: long hours, big disappointments, lack of control over the final product, difficult people, and self doubt. I constantly feel inadequate and like I am a disappointment to my employer archi-treasures. I don't sleep well, I am constantly worried.

My meditation practice has lapsed for up to a couple days at a time and my alcohol consumption has increased in a predictably stressful and summer way. These two things are not good for me.

But today I had a glimpse of the center I once knew.

"I can only do this job as well as I can. Any body's disappointment or agendas belong to them not me."

Waiting

We are waiting for the 20th ward Alderman to move and sand blast the planters. We are ready to paint. I am discouraged, and starting to thing about some plan-B's. The teens really want to paint. Above is the front and back designs for the planters and the colors we'll use. I'm starting to think about sidewalk sandwich boards, other types of signage or community markers. I really want to make something, and make something happen. I'm not getting paid enough not to make art.

Here is our practice one...

Summer Work

This summer I am working on this incredible community based public art project in Woodlawn.

I was hired through a not-for-profit group that facilitates community art projects, gardens, and other community space, archi-treasures as the artist for this project. I am working with 15 very bright teens. They challenge me in every way, everyday. I am learning so much about myself, and my teaching practice through them. I am also learning about them and their community.

I've been enjoying my commute to Woodlawn once I get on south Lake Shore Drive. It is really beautiful. I pass by The Republic everyday. She is wonderful.

Our project is very complex, and has many moving parts, and I would not be able to keep up with all of them with out the help of Dorothy Pytel, who is the "instigator" of this whole project, and is very organized. And also Sherry Shannon, who helps with the day to day order.

Our task is to move, decorate, and plant up to 30 large concrete planters. That sounds simple, but its not. The most challenging part is that the planters must be "adopted" by a community group or business to ensure the continued up keep of the planter. Once this project is completed the planters will serve as community markers, and will unify active members of the community together.

We are moving along and finally making much head way this week. We designed the Woodlawn logo which will be stenciled on all the planters.


We are also making much needed head way in community out reach and in designing the planters. This project has a blog: http://woodlawnyouth.blogspot.com/ Please follow along.

Everyday at work I feel totally overwhelmed, and when I get home I am exhausted, but optimistic. The biggest lesson, that I haven't learned yet is how to deal with not pleasing everybody. Every small dissatisfaction of one of the teens, or someone else feels like big failure on my part.

Sentient, Studio, Press

Today was a fun day in the studio. Above is the new configuration of Sentient for the exhibit at Northeastern. Anna Poplawska will be writing about the work in Yoga Chicago. She writes about spirituality and art and has a monthly column in Yoga Chicago. She came to my studio today and I am pretty excited.

My New Circular Saw

I bought a new circular saw today at Home Depot on Addison.

As I approached the mini van with my big orange cart of MDF, PVC male adaptors, other miscellaneous stuff and my new Milwaukee circular saw, I noticed a small man come out from behind the red big construction van parked next to my car. Since the housing market has crashed, men are looking for work in the Home Depot parking lots. Sometimes they want to help load stuff into your car. As I see this small man in a brown Carhartt-esque coat from the corner of my eye, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck spike up like a cat's. I am really aware of my new saw on my flat bed cart.

I turned from the cart for a moment, and he went for it! Immediately I am shouting "NO!" as I take it from his hand. He seems to motion he would put it in my car. I say, "NO!" repeatedly, and make a swiping motion with my hand. He still tries for ten foot peices if 1/2 inch PVC pipe on my cart, and again, "NO!" He finally backs away to stand by the back of the red van, right next to me. He doesn't look offended, and he doesn't defend himself. His face shows no emotion at all.

As I get into my car the adrenaline is pumping through my blood. I feel bad for him, that he probably is just looking for work, but I also feel like when I back out he'll try to car-jack me. I think about storming into Home Depot to complain, but I am worried about leaving my car now that he knows what is inside. I think about calling the police. Then I think both of these ideas are going over board. I wait till some one is near and back out. Its the owner of the red van. As I pull away I see them talking. The man was probably waiting next to the obviously best option for work- the construction van, and saw me when I approached.

Driving to my studio, my resolve of knowing that I handled the situation in the best and most effective way I could have, mixed with the probable reality of a man out of work and who has become used to being yelled at when offering help. The entire situation is upsetting. But the mixing of compassion with self defense in the aftermath felt like shaking oil and vinegar dressing, they mix only with vigorous effort and only temporarily.

Students Drawing in the Atrium at Wright

I had them combine three perspective views of this space into one abstracted composition! It pretty much rocked.

Students Drawing Today at Wright

Redundantly American in Free Februrary

We went to see the Hopper exhibit Saturday at The Art Institute, during free February.

The Hopper exhibit was predictably lovely. His work reproduces very well, so there is not much more revealed in viewing the paintings in person. The canvas are not unexpectedly big, but the colors can be quite vibrant. I really prefer his work focusing on urban and prairie scenes which include much visible and psychological space. There were some very cool early etchings, including two depicting the first "El" car. which I've been in at The Chicago History Museum. I find his work incredibly American, and it is not secret, that I am an idealist American, and I love being an American. His work captures American scenes and psychological space. After seeing his body of work, I felt like I knew him. I really feel like he was always right there with his subjects. That he wasn't an estranged visitor to the scenes and characters, but that he too dined with locals late at night, or sat lonely in a hotel room, or chatted with bathers on the east coast. I felt that he was right there with capturing what was current, because he was doing it. In the 50's towards the end of his career, he began painting western-route 60-esque travel and motel scenes. Just as America was embracing the car and newly paved and connecting roads. He seems redundantly American- being as he appears in photos, "Joe American", he seems to live the American life of the time, and then he cinematicly captures it in paint.

The last painting was the best and truly a culmination of his life's pursuit.


Saturday during free February was not the best time to see art, but is was a refreshingly casual and boisterous day at the museum, where everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. And the museum was packed with a sea of visitors, really the way it always should be.

Don't miss "Girls On the Verge" in the basement. Its delightfully uncomfortable, sensitive, humorous and shocking.

Gordon Matta-Clark

This past weekend, Michael and I went to see the Gordon Matta-Clark exhibit at the MCA. I was so happy to finally see the MCA hosting (almost) contemporary art, and an artist that I've admired for a long time. The exhibit is great, but since Matta-Clark's career was so short, there wasn't much there that I hadn't already seen or read about. I was really inspired by the table of books that was source material for and documentation of Matta-Clark's work. I took notes.

Collective Chicago

Whats going on with "underground art" in Chicago?

I wanted to be in a collective. I felt that a collective was a great opportunity to learn about other artists' practices, collaborate, try new things, be part of change. But the few art collective exhibits I've been to (both underground collectives and mainstream) look just like gallery exhibits. It seems like the collectives are just mimicking the gallery system they seem to say they rebel against. Why exhibit gallery art in an alternative space?

Maybe these are separate issues, but where is the performance art? Were is the site specific installation. Where are the revolutionaries? Who is planning the next deviation? Who wants to? Is there an avante guarde in Chicago?

On the plus side, I went to an apartment gallery (only once) that shows great promise. Mini Dutch exhibited two interesting pieces this winter. One was an interactive sculpture, and the other was a site specific installation in their "installation room." Not only was the work good, the presentation great, and the gallery director professional, but I didn't feel like I walked into a clique gathering that was accidentally listed in The Reader. Although it was in their home, it had a professional feel, and the party aspect was down played compared to the art.

Studio Search

Last year I began renting a studio in the basement of a two flat, directly behind our old apartment. It is really basic, low ceilings, shedding brick walls, humid in the summer cold in the winter... I rent about 200 square feet, for pretty cheap. Its still in a great location for me, even since we moved, but it seems so unprofessional to have curators to visit. I have been looking to upgrade, but it has been a sad search, so far. Big cheap spaces, in very bad neighborhoods, with sketchy management. I seek a studio that I like to hang out in, like to read books in, have fun organizing, would like to have people over to...